DISCLAIMER: I wrote this diary a month ago before new year at 2026 when i strugle. Allah so nice to me and happy for every single second he give it to me.
Tiga bulan lagi tahun akan berganti. Aku masih tidak
tahu mengapa dan bagaimana dunia di sekitarku sedang bekerja. Aku hanya
menjalani rutinitas sebagaimana kewajiban ku sebagai seorang anak pada diri
sendiri dan orang tua.
Long
story short, actually I was graduate in 2024. Since February, I am working near
my home in the government office. Not in the entire government, but I am in the
one of the office. My office is BUMD has named Maju Jaya Sejahtera.
The
first impression I meet of people in the office is awkward and nervous. Because
I feel that I use my nepotizm to looking this job. But actually is not. The
head of residence govorment is my village is uncle from my boyfriend. The real
story is, I get this job because I was do it research from my final study in
the university. And one from people who I was interview is my uncle’s
boyfriend.
Maybe
since that, my uncle’s boyfriend know and notice me. I will be convident
because I have many experience working since I am be student. So, why I have to nerveous? So, why I have to reject
this opportunity when I need this? I need money. I can’t always use my
freelance job and not yet get stability working.
So
that’s how I can be here now. But… did u know that this not what I want? Maybe yes, I wanna be
part of government but as PNS. In this position I just feel enough for my paid
and keep bleeshing for my job. In the next year, 2026 hopefully I can be real part of government, get my NIP, and
be PNS.
So,
what I do now? I still learning something new. Like development my skill as
woman, as worker, as child from my parents, and as girlfriend if maybe soon to
be wife? Hahahahaha.
I
can’t to refuse if I still struggling with my life. Why? Sometimes, I feel I
suit to many thing to god. When I just human, small human, and I do the small
effort to make my god interest to me. How god can give me what I real want?
So, that’s it.
As
I am losing something. I feel sorry for my life. I just promise to be better.
So, what I real want to be rich, to be get high paid, to get financial freedom,
I can get all.
From
my boyfriend, I hope u can be graduate in this year. Or, if u feel so hard, I
hope in thir first month u can be graduate. I will always to be ur side. Waiting for u because u always waiting for
me. Since past until now.
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